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I am struck by today's sermon. There's so much more things I need to be true with myself, and with God. He made me cry when I prayed for a revival in PHS; a passion that keeps me, and my girls going to really put aside everything for this month to see many more souls crossing over the line of salvation.

I am delighted to see Bella and Crystal actively participating in ARE YOU COOL gathering. The smiles, the conversation and every other thing flow out of efforts and I can see it! (: Also, I enjoyed today's DMM. It was really a fruitful and meaningful one I would say.

I had an outburst of happiness when I saw Ang Puay Lin today! I don't know why, but I was literally grinning away when I saw her! ^_^ Especially outside NYDC. And yes, LOVE IS BLIND; I was literally waving and peeping at her while waiting for the traffic lights, which distracted her intially. She told me there were people looking at me, but who cares? (; You deserve my foolishness in the middle of Orchard Road, Ang Puay Lin!

I am awestruck by my shepherd's love for me. She asked if she could give me a belated present because she is still in the midst of saving up(due to the present situation) to the cost of that present she wants to get for me. And the present she wants to get for me is something that I really, really like. I haven't been stunned for a very, very long time... and I felt really, really loved.

I am bitter, sad and angry. I was actually looking forward to tomorrow's early celebration by my family. But my Dad insisted of having my celebration during lunch and not dinner, which i very much prefer. The reason he gave was because next day they are working hence he doesn't want to clean up at night as it might make him tired. A reason that I highly cannot accept because for every other member in the family, it was either celebrated during dinner on the ACTUAL day itself, or we dine outside. But for me, no cake, no HAPPY celebration for the last four years. And the most heartbreaking thing was, after each year's birthday, I hoped for a happy celebration in the following year, but to no avail. I have hoped for four years. To some, birthday celebration may not matter to them, but not me. And I stupidly cry over it. STUPIDITY. Shufen told me celebration is a bonus. I should learn accepting this concept. I am sick and tired of this whole thing, I DON'T WANT TO HOPE ANYMORE. I refuse to. They make me lose hope, forever.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Mixture of experience.

I am struck by today's sermon. There's so much more things I need to be true with myself, and with God. He made me cry when I prayed for a revival in PHS; a passion that keeps me, and my girls going to really put aside everything for this month to see many more souls crossing over the line of salvation.

I am delighted to see Bella and Crystal actively participating in ARE YOU COOL gathering. The smiles, the conversation and every other thing flow out of efforts and I can see it! (: Also, I enjoyed today's DMM. It was really a fruitful and meaningful one I would say.

I had an outburst of happiness when I saw Ang Puay Lin today! I don't know why, but I was literally grinning away when I saw her! ^_^ Especially outside NYDC. And yes, LOVE IS BLIND; I was literally waving and peeping at her while waiting for the traffic lights, which distracted her intially. She told me there were people looking at me, but who cares? (; You deserve my foolishness in the middle of Orchard Road, Ang Puay Lin!

I am awestruck by my shepherd's love for me. She asked if she could give me a belated present because she is still in the midst of saving up(due to the present situation) to the cost of that present she wants to get for me. And the present she wants to get for me is something that I really, really like. I haven't been stunned for a very, very long time... and I felt really, really loved.

I am bitter, sad and angry. I was actually looking forward to tomorrow's early celebration by my family. But my Dad insisted of having my celebration during lunch and not dinner, which i very much prefer. The reason he gave was because next day they are working hence he doesn't want to clean up at night as it might make him tired. A reason that I highly cannot accept because for every other member in the family, it was either celebrated during dinner on the ACTUAL day itself, or we dine outside. But for me, no cake, no HAPPY celebration for the last four years. And the most heartbreaking thing was, after each year's birthday, I hoped for a happy celebration in the following year, but to no avail. I have hoped for four years. To some, birthday celebration may not matter to them, but not me. And I stupidly cry over it. STUPIDITY. Shufen told me celebration is a bonus. I should learn accepting this concept. I am sick and tired of this whole thing, I DON'T WANT TO HOPE ANYMORE. I refuse to. They make me lose hope, forever.

maoed.
at 12:00 AM